Almost a Week Later

Almost a week later and I still feel like my brain is jumbled. I feel like it’s not processing correctly, like I can’t see correctly.

I’m not sure when this will resolve.

I’m more of a digital artist. It’s easier on the eyes.

I made an image of how my brain feels and then I converted it to digital. The sketch is in the last post.

As always, I use Procreate and then I used photoshop.

I think I am getting better, it’s just a very slow process.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep making art and I’m going to keep waiting for the clouds to break and the sun to shine through.

My Brain is Jumbled

This is what I’m working on now. I haven’t decided if it’s going be watercolor or acrylic or both.

My head is still hurting.

I had a dr appointment today and was advised not to work the next few days.

They’re giving me a steroid taper to see if that helps break the migraine.

I feel like it’s a mixed bag. On the one hand, I know I need to take care of myself and take the time off to recover. On the other hand, I feel bad for taking the time off and taking care of myself.

Realistically, though, who am I letting down? My employer? Somehow I don’t think he cares about me on a personal level.

It’s hard to have to take time and “rest” when it feels like you should always be doing something.

My Head Really Hurts

I woke up with the left side of my face hurting. It went downhill from there.

I really hope these headaches break soon.

Every time I get a long stretch of headaches, it makes me worry that this is it. This is my life now. I’ll have to stop working and then what will happen? I won’t be able to do anything that I love ever again.

I know.

That feeling of impending doom, that feeling of yet another thing being taken from me, that’s a real feeling, even if at this moment nothing actually is being torn from me.

I’ve been in bad spots before.

I’ve had surgeries and sicknesses and I probably always will.

I can adjust.

Things will be okay.

Anyway.

Today’s art:

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Here’s the time lapse of my leaf drawing. Photo reference above is from myself. Procreate on iPad.

The Struggle is Real

I struggle with thinking I’m good enough. This pretty much applies to all areas of my life, but for this we’re talking about my art.

I can’t draw people very well.

I can’t draw realism very well.

It’s hard for me to draw without a reference.

Life has thrown me an extra curve ball, though. I can’t see very well. I had a detached retina 11 years ago and the surgery didn’t go as planned. It left me with blurry vision, migraines, and the inability to see clearly up close. I stopped painting because it became a struggle. It made me sad to try to do something that I once did with ease. It made me feel like I lost a piece of myself that I tried so hard to find in the first place.

I stopped painting.

I picked up digital art, which I’m grateful is a thing because without it, I would have created nothing.

But I miss painting.

I miss the texture and the feel of it.

I had thrown out or given away most of my art supplies over the last few years.

Something inside of me keeps coming back to it, though.

So, I subscribed to an art box.

I bought some new art supplies.

I’m going to attempt a pivot rather than a cease fire.

This one I made is with the supplies in the first art box. It’s not great, the lines suck, the small details are non existent.

That’s not what’s important, though.

What’s important is I did it. I made something. And it doesn’t have to be good. It just has to be something.

I’ll find my niche again.